Appreciating Negative People and the Confirmation That They Bring

Published on November 1, 2011 by in Uncategorized


As you continue to grow you will find that the energy that you carry with you will be more powerful, more brilliant, and more impactful.  Many people will be attracted to and inspired by this energy.  In my article “Our impact on the world” I wrote about those wonderful individuals that are inspired by this energy.  These are the individuals that will support you when you fall short and when you succeed.  These are the individuals that will inspire you as you inspire them.  These are the individuals who will engage you in a symbiotic relationship.

Naturally, symbiotic relationships are ideal for personal growth.  As you grow others will benefit from your growth.  As others grow you benefit from their growth.  With this mutually beneficial exchange you will be motivated to value and to appreciate such relationships.  Over time such relationships can be a powerful source of positive energy, inspiration, and confirmation.

But what about those individuals who offer negativity instead of positivity, should we appreciate them too?  This question may seem strange at first.  For some the automatic response is a resounding “No!”  However we must keep in mind that all relationships serve a purpose and even the negative relationships can function as confirmation that we are growing in our lives.  What do I mean by this?

As you grow, your manner of thinking, acting, behaving, and relating to others will change.  Many will be inspired by these changes.  Many will grow with you in your process.  But there are also those that may perceive such changes as negative.  Such individuals will feel uncomfortable about the changes that you have made in your life.  Some will become afraid believing that such changes will ultimately end the relationship that they have with you.  But there is a deeper issue here that we must keep in mind.

People’s perception of you is not as important as their perception of themselves.  There are times when people may become uncomfortable when they see that you have grown in a particular area of your life.  As I wrote in my article “For Growth’s Sake” all forms of discomfort are symptomatic of the need for us to create a positive change in our lives.  Therefore, the issue is not the perception that a person has of you or the perception that they have about your growth.  The real issue is the perception that that person has about themselves in relationship to your growth.

When a person has observed growth in someone else they may look upon their own growth and become uncomfortable in realizing that they themselves have not grown to the same degree.  They may feel disappointed in themselves, they may feel unhappy, and they may project their discomforts onto you.   These projections can manifest in the manner in which they interact with you, the manner in which they speak about you, and the degree to which they value or devalue the growth that you have experienced.  But the central issue is not you.  The central issue is the manner in which they perceive themselves; a perception that may cause them to recognize that they themselves have not gone through their own process of personal growth.  As a means of evading this fact such individuals may go so far as to do and say things that would discourage you from growing further.  In essence they may attempt to block your continued growth.

Regardless of the actions of such individuals you only need to answer one important question.  What is the lesson that this individual is here to teach me?  In truth the lesson learned is that you have grown!  Therefore we should be thankful for such individuals; for they are merely confirming our own growth.

Yes we must embrace those who support us.  Love them much.  Be grateful that they are here to bless us with wonderful energy.  But may we also appreciate those that no longer support us.  Recognize that they are present to confirm our growth.  For this we must be eternally grateful.


“My name is Lenon Honor and I committed to birthing positive relationships, healthy families, and personal growth.”


Copyright © 2011 Lenon Honor

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20 Responses to “Appreciating Negative People and the Confirmation That They Bring”

  1. Sean says:

    Great article Lenon, perfect timing! 🙂

  2. Just experienced some negativity today, from someone at a new part time gig I’m doing. This reminds me of the quote that reads: “If people are trying to bring you down. It only means you are above them”. In other words, they are trying to bring you down because you have risen above them in your growth.

    • Lenon Honor says:

      Elli! Great to hear from you. Hope all is well with you. Your comment is on point. Most people who seek to discourage others from growing do so because they are unhappy with their own progressions.

  3. Unknown says:

    Beautifully written article Lenon,and not a single spelling mistake in sight which makes a refreshing change : )

  4. Positive Thoughts says:

    A lot of people attempt to put others down to try to “cut them down to size.” But how can you cut someone “down to size” unless you had placed them on such a high pedestal in the first place? ; )

  5. janet donaghey says:

    thank you lenon. i needed to read that. it can be upsetting when someone close dismisses the important work involved in personal growth. i will now try to see it in a more positive light! God bless you and your family

  6. Marcella says:

    Thanks Lenon, I have been struggling with receiving the message that many negative influences in my life regularly impart. Your article has assisted me greatly and has helped me change me mind and response to the negative stimuli.

  7. Tekill says:

    Love it I needed that I’m dealing with negative thoughts and people. Thank you

  8. Patrick Wagner says:

    I enjoyed, and found a lot of wisdom in what you said during, your interview with Luke Redowski. This being the only article that I have read on your site I was wondering what your attitude is to a Divine Creator who can enable us as individual personalities to exceed our own personal limitations?

    • Lenon Honor says:

      I would say that it is a limitation to think that a Creator is the only being that has the power to move the individual beyond their personal limitations. As individuals we have the power to transcend our own limitations.

      • Patrick Wagner says:

        The word “limit”, in its restrictive sense, logically cannot mean both limited and unlimited. A personal limitation, logically can not be transcended personally. The limits of the capacity of a 2litre jug are 2litres, by definition it is not logical to say that it is only my limited thinking that restricts the jug to 2litres not the jugs limits. If you have the personal power to transcend your own limitations then they were really not personal limits in the first place. You proved that by transcending them. I guess I am just asking whether you believe in a Divine Creator?

        • Lenon Honor says:

          The word “limited” in its personal sense, can be nothing more than a perception. Most limitations that people perceive are not limitations at all; they are just perceptions. All perceived limitations can be transcended. There was a time when the notion of communicating over cyberspace was considered to be impossible. Time has proven that this perceived limitation was untrue.

          • Patrick Wagner says:

            I agree that perceptions can be limited by individuals simply because – “What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what kind of person you are” [C S Lewis], but the definition of the word “limit” does not change with individual personal definitions or perceptions. If one can transcend something then that thing was never a limit, it was always a temporary obstruction or restriction, limiting, yes, but not a limit (the greatest amount or level of something that is possible). I also agree that all perceived limitations can be transcended, however, there are some limits which our Creator has put in place, they are part of “REALITY”, and without Him we cannot transcend them. “If a man were to arrive even at the absolute pinnacle of natural perfection, God’s work would be only about to begin, for the real work is the work of GRACE and the infused virtues and the gifts of the Holy Spirit.”[Thomas Merton]

          • Lenon Honor says:

            From my vantage point a limitation can be real or perceived. Whether it is real or perceived the overall effect is the same. There was a time when people believed that the Creator had limited the species to only having the capacity to walk upon the Earth. Over time wagons were invented, carriages were invented, bikes were invented, cars were invented, airplanes were invented, rockets were invented, etc. And now the perceived limitation has proven to be false.

            Interestingly, it is now clear that the reason why you have sought this dialogue was not because you desired clarity as to my perspective on the word “limitation”. Rather you sought this dialogue because you wanted to defend your belief in a Creator. As a matter of sincerity you should have been forthright with your intent from the beginning instead of seeking to open a dialogue through argumentation concerning the word “limitation”. Ironically, your approach in these regards has proven to be a limitation in and of itself. Honesty is always the best policy. I sincerely hope that you will learn from this experience. Take care.

  9. patrick wagner says:

    Believe it or not I have been sincerely honest, and anyway my Creator doesn’t need me to defend Him. My purpose in seeking this dialogue was simply to determine whether you were a “mind over matter” believer or someone who himself is seeking the Reality of Truth. Nothing offensive or defensive was intended so my apologies if I have conveyed the wrong message in any way.

    You are perfectly correct from your vantage point when you say a limitation can be real or perceived. I will take care, thank you.

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