Dealing with Negative People on the Internet

Published on November 27, 2011 by in Uncategorized

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Lenon HonorFor the last 4 years I have disseminated my own film work, music, articles, books, etc. over the internet and have impacted the lives of millions of people around the world.  In the process I have met many different types of people.  When I say many different types of people I am referring to the various psychological makeups that can be inferred simply by analyzing what people write, how they write, the energy behind what they right, the keywords that they use while writing, and the general path of any given online conversation.  This is to say that it is possible to get a glimpse into the psychological makeup of individuals that we converse with online (Cyber-Psychology).

Through the internet I have met many wonderful people, people who I consider to be friends.  I have also met some very disturbed people; people who were emotionally and psychologically unstable, extremely negative, excessively argumentative, and in some cases threateningly violent.

When it comes to the internet it is important that we are clear about the mental condition of the individuals that we may be interacting with.  Not all individuals that we interact with over the internet will be of sound mind.  In fact, I have found that a large percentage of the interactions over the internet are rooted in false projections of self; projections that are sourced from a psychological need for egocentric attention.

I define egocentric attention as:  The need to gain the attention of others without establishing and maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship.

Each of us deserves to experience the best that life has to offer.  When we are experiencing the best that life has to offer we must be sure to appreciate and to protect such a condition.  The internet can either bring to you the people who will help you to maintain and grow such a condition or the internet can bring to you the people who will seek to consciously or subconsciously devolve such a condition.  How to appropriately deal with the people who seek to devolve your condition will be the focus of this particular article.

To begin I’d like to share my perspective on the 4 primary behavior patterns that I have observed within individuals who consciously or unconsciously seek to devolve the condition of others over the internet.  The 4 primary behavior patterns are:

1.  Being unnecessarily negative

2.  Being unnecessarily argumentative

3.  Being quick to emotional tantrums

4.  Being verbally threatening

 

1. Being unnecessarily negative

There are people on the internet who will find any excuse to be negative.  It does not matter what you have done for them or what you have given to them.  Negative people will always find something to be negative about.

Part of this behavior pattern stems from what can be called Egocentric Attention Disorder (E.A.D.) which manifests as the need to gain the attention of others without establishing and maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship.

Obviously being unnecessarily negative cannot function to establish a mutually beneficial relationship.  Therefore, in order to establish or to maintain peace and positivity in your life it is important that negative individuals are avoided at all cost.

 

2.  Being unnecessarily argumentative

There are people on the internet who are not interested in establishing a mutually beneficial relationship.  In some cases such individuals are merely looking for someone to argue with.  This begs the question, “Why go online to find someone to argue with when you can go online to find someone to establish a positive relationship with?”

The truth of the matter is that there are individuals who perceive arguing as being synonymous with receiving love.  In other words, there are people who actually feel loved while engaged in unnecessary and excessive arguing.

For some time now I have contended that all arguments are destructive in nature and are rooted in an emotion-based behavior pattern present in most children.  Those who have not progressed beyond thinking and behaving in childish ways, or those who have been indoctrinated into thinking and behaving in such ways, will constantly seek arguments as a means of fulfilling their subconscious need for love.

You will also find that if you engage such individuals by arguing with them, they will arbitrarily and irrationally create more things to argue about so as to establish more avenues of fulfilling their subconscious need for love.

The behavior pattern of unnecessary and excessive arguing is also symptomatic of the Egocentric Attention Disorder (E.A.D.) which manifests as the need to gain the attention of others without establishing and maintaining a mutually beneficial relationship.  Obviously, perpetual arguing cannot function to establish or to maintain a mutually beneficial relationship.  Therefore, in order to establish or to maintain peace and positivity in your life it is important that individuals who are unnecessarily argumentative are avoided at all cost.

 

3.  Being quick to emotional tantrums

There are people on the internet who are quick to emotional tantrums.  These tantrums are rooted in an emotion-based behavior pattern present in most children.  In many cases the adults who are quick to emotional tantrums do not have a real life outlet to express themselves and so they use the internet as the means of expressing their repressed emotions.  In such cases the internet becomes a cyber-dumping ground where individuals selfishly express their repressed emotions without having to establish and maintain a mutually beneficial relationship.

I must also mention that emotional tantrums will often manifest in people who are unnecessarily argumentative.  Understand that many of these individuals do not have a legitimate argument in the first place.  Therefore they will arbitrarily create topics and issues to argue about as a means of maintaining their connection to you.  In such cases what you will find is that the longer the argument continues the more irrational such individuals become.  At a certain point such individuals will resort to ultra-emotionalism in the form of foul language, cursing, the use of exclamation marks, writing in ALL CAPS, verbalized personal attacks, physical threats, ad hominem attacks, and other displays of excessive negativity.  Therefore, in order to establish or to maintain peace and positivity in your life it is important that individuals who are quick to emotional tantrums are avoided at all cost.

 

4.  Being verbally threatening

One of the fascinating aspects of the internet is how many individuals are given a false sense of courage and power while sitting comfortably behind their computer screens.  This being the case, you will find that there are people on the internet who actively search for opportunities to be verbally threatening towards others.  In being verbally threatening to others such individuals “feel” relevant, courageous, and powerful.  You will also find that many of the individuals who are verbally threatening online are suffering from a sense of internal powerlessness in real life.

As a psychological defense mechanism this sense of powerlessness is resolved through external displays of perceived power i.e. verbal threats/cyber-bullying.  Such individuals are not mentally stable in that they perceive the act of threatening others as a respectable means of social interaction.

For some people the perception of verbal threats as being a respectable means of social interaction stems from their childhood wherein their parents, teachers, religious leaders, etc. threatened them with verbal outbursts such as “If you do not listen to what I say then I will spank you”, “If you do not learn what I tell you to learn then you will be given an F”, “If you don’t believe in my god then you will go to hell”.  These external displays of perceived power can be internalized by the child as being a respectable means of social interaction.  Whether it is parents, teachers, or religious leaders, threatening children will not and cannot function to establish and maintain mutually beneficial relationships.

Whether it be in the real world or in the virtual world individuals who are verbally threatening to others are not interested in establishing or maintain mutually beneficial relationships.  Such individuals are interested in the illusion of power, control, and domination.  Therefore, in order to establish or to maintain peace and positivity in your life it is important that individuals who are verbally threatening are avoided at all cost.

The internet is like a superman/superwoman outfit that some people put on to feel powerful.  Once transformed by the internet-outfit a person may say things to you that they would not dare say in person.  If you watch carefully you will find that such individuals will exhibit the behavior patterns of being unnecessarily negative, unnecessarily argumentative, quick to emotional tantrums, and verbally threatening.

Ultimately you have the power to either engage such individuals or to simply dismiss them from your space.  If you are committed to living the best life that you possibly can then please be clear as to the nature of the relationships that you establish over the worldwide web.  If such relationships are not mutually beneficial then you must reassess the legitimacy of those relationships.  Understand that many of the relationships that are established over the internet are in actuality “virtual in nature” and are not rooted in a humanistic exchange wherein love, peace, and positivity is given and received.

My name is Lenon Honor and I thank you for reading this article.  Please be so kind as to post your thoughts below.  Blessings to you.

Copyright © 2011 Lenon Honor

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33 Responses to “Dealing with Negative People on the Internet”

  1. Lenon Honor says:

    During my two most recent radio interviews I share my perspective on OCW.

  2. Charles Nelson says:

    You have made some excellent points here Lenon. I have struggled with negativity many years in life often noting it’s source seemed to be a habit pattern within me. Upon noticing that I was able to get a grip on my thoughts much better. At the same time, in order to keep those negative tapes from playing I’ve had to “wash my walls” of certain family members. That kinda sucked, but not only did my attitude improve, so did my physical constitution. Simply amazing how that part worked. “The health of the body depends on the health of the mind, and the health of the mind depends on the health of the body.” All one has to do to confirm the truth of your words is randomly read comments on u-tubes and it’s just amazing how foul people become towards each other over ridiculous issues.

    • Lenon Honor says:

      “The health of the body depends on the health of the mind, and the health of the mind depends on the health of the body.” – Charles Nelson

      Awesome statement there. Powerful!!!

  3. kimberly says:

    I had to delete someone from my Facebook. Her comments were so negative. For example . I posted I was cutting off my hair to get rid of relaxer. She post about why would anyone use relaxer in the first place, and people should do research before hand. I live by the rule of if you bring negative things, thoughts or people in my life . I will remove you.

    • Lenon Honor says:

      What an awesome decision you made to get rid of the relaxer and to block the negative person. People who always look for negative things to say are toxic. The best thing to do is to avoid those types of people people at all cost and use the block button whenever necessary. Blessings to you Kimberly.

  4. Aydin says:

    A very interesting read. You can see this sort of behaviour all the time on youtube, someone will say something then another person will criticize them and a verbal war breaks out to the point where you can’t even find what started it all! They usually argue about something, realise their point made no sense and then start criticizing the other person’s grammar and so forth..

    • Lenon Honor says:

      Yes I have observed this too. The more people argue with each other the further away they get from the original issue. It’s almost like they become consumed by the argument to where its not about making sense anymore. Its then becomes about ego and hate.

  5. Chiraq Kallis says:

    “The internet is like a superman/superwoman outfit that some people put on to feel powerful.”

    Thats very well said

  6. André Fonseca says:

    Magnificent article! I think that people who tend to react with violence over nothing fail to realize that nature is not just about being right or being wrong. They want to be right, so, for them, someone has to be wrong. The only way they can prove they are right is by proving that someone is wrong. Nature is more than just being right or being wrong, it is also about being beyond right and beyond wrong. But the thing is that beyond right there is wrong, and beyond wrong there is right. In fact, I think that nature is more about just being, it does not matter if right or wrong. 😉

  7. hello says:

    True, Lenon. It’s often cathartic to speak out against those whom you know are just fear mongers, hate mongers, or are just shills backed by commercial, political, and/or other interests. There is a difference between this and “being negative” even though these fear mongers, hate mongers, and shills will say otherwise. As you unfortunately had to discover, these interests fight back with a vengeance when you call them out (trolling your radio shows en masse, spewing racial epithets, and showing that they have control over what can or can’t be blocked in the chatroom is just one example) . I suppose these people lurking in the shadows behind their computers have feelings too that we never considered (lol). Even though, ironically, these people are the very ones who see nothing wrong with creating and perpetuating stereotypes and unending negativity in order to start warring between individuals and groups via the invaluable tool which is the media. They themselves are easy hurt and threatened whenever a lone, insignificant individual dares to challenge them, dares to call them out, and dares to ridicule them or what they do. They are quick to play the victim and accuse you of being what THEY are. Lacking wit, humor, talent, and tact; they only know how to be offensive–and they envy those who are talented, humorous, and witty. Easier said than done but don’t let this deter you or wear away at your creativity.

  8. Michele says:

    Wow!
    This came at the perfect time…people have really turned it up a notch with the slings and arrows in cyberspace…
    Always good to take a spiritual approach.
    Fantastic, thanks for sharing your wisdom.
    Be Well, Michele

  9. Guillermo J says:

    Well said, and it seem to get old. I have to say, I have learn a few things from you. Keep up the Great work brother!

  10. Jamal says:

    I just had this conversation with someone about the increasing amount of unnecessary negativity on the internet. I thought about why you find such an extraordinary amount and I believe it’s for the several reasons you mentioned above. I also believe that the fact that people ingest negativity all day everyday from the media and other influences, subconsciously pass it along to anyone they can. It’s like a sickness. It’s not everyone but enough where even the simplest thing can be ridiculed with negative comments. I would love to pass this along on my FB page. I believe this is a topic worth exploring more with the masses.

    Peace!
    Jamal

    • Lenon Honor says:

      Thank you Jamal. The analogy that you use about negativity being a sickness is spot on. Negativity is like a virus. Once a few people catch the virus it spreads like wildfire. And all of the negativity that we find in mass media is the initial transmitter of the virus. This is definitely a topic that must be shared with the masses. Peace Jamal.

  11. Stormy Weather says:

    You have summed up my experience of using the internet to “socialize” since 15. So many disappointments, arguments and even stalking! The level of people presenting themselves one way when really being another is very high. Perhaps it is too tempting to put your best fake face forward when you can do so cheaply and gain so much if you sweet talk the right people.

    People like to think they are “good” people and can sum themselves up in a paragraph and meet other “good” people based on a myspace or facebook page but it doesn’t work like that! I’ve tried this probably 100s of times, each time thinking at least I can make a friend from this. Nope. There are alot of unhappy people who like attention on the net who will string you along and don’t care if you suffer. They see it as, they suffer (even when it’s of their own doing) so you should suffer to, it’s all normal.

    I can’t tell you how many times I have arranged to meet someone in real life and they either stop responding to my emails or if we made plans to meet, they don’t show up. It sucks even more when they are people who you have seen around who are somewhat popular and say they are this or that in their profile. Then you get the cold shoulder and your thinking, how hard is it to be friendly? You get no real sincere sorry or explanation why or, you do find out why and find out they are not in a position to be meeting new people. They don’t have cars, they have messy relationships with hyper jealous people who have a little world that is just them and their mate.

    They just see people as tools to call up on when needed. I still believe in old-fashioned, 10 mile radius real body friends even when it’s hard to find, waiting is 100% worth it. You don’t need a here today, gone whenever they feel like it with no sense of responsibility to do a proper closure with you. I find not only did they waste my time while we interact, I think about what happened later and it would ruin my day and make me feel more negative.

    I use to think people who had really promising webpages and don’t answer or auto-respond their email were jerks, and to a certain point still do but I get that their are alot of people who have bad intentions and just want a free ride on someone else. How can you tell who’s worth knowing and who you would rather leave at the curb? It’s a gamble especially online. I basically dislike online friend building in general. It has the appearance of being nice and tidy when you “add” friends’ but life isn’t like that! In real life, people are stingy with their time and money and spend in on maybe 4-10 people.Online their is this appearance that real life help is on it’s way with just a click of the mouse. Unless your paying someone, they probably aren’t going to do much other then click a “like” button for you.

    My solution currently is, meet people in real life, believe what you witness first hand and keep your social circle very small and honest. Don’t be afraid of your own company and making decisions based on your opinion. I don’t care about updating twitter with my every move to a bunch of people who i don’t know care to know that. I just want to actually live life without having to wire in every 2 minutes. And yeah! I am doing it finally. Had some bumps though, but they were only bumps. This reminded me it’s not just me who has lived through the ups followed quickly by the downs. Good article, thanks.

  12. Darrick Meek says:

    I think a healthy conversation of different opinions is great. I like to be open minded to new ideas and thoughts instead of trying to win a debate or argument as if it is some sort of a sport or something. I would like to walk away from a …conversation with a broader and deeper understanding with the topic at hand rather then walk away from a debate feeling like I won something with my ego stroked. See the problem is, we are programmed to think that being competitive is a healthy way to live. This type of thinking has been propagandized through war, sports, politics, the job force, game shows, contests, etc.

  13. Paul Sanchez says:

    This is very intriguing, You are a quite skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to looking for far more of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your internet web site in my social networks!

  14. Ingrid says:

    Thank you, Lenon. Months ago, I commissioned a piece of writing from an acquaintance. I paid halfway per agreement, and then my life got busy. Needless to say, I forgot about the manuscript but also didn’t hear from the person who I’d commissioned it from. About three weeks back, I finally did. They claimed to have sent it and were furious that I hadn’t sent the final payment. They chewed me out for being a bad friend, for forgetting them, and read me the riot act about hoping and praying each day to find money from me, magically waiting in their inbox. I was confused, but the good news was, I found the manuscript, later that day, in my spam folder.

    Apologetically, I promised to pay the amount owed, but this person was so steamed that they didn’t even want that. It was then that I discovered exactly what you’d written here about emotional tantrums. It wasn’t the money that was the issue, nor had it ever been. My reaction to their heated message was their real prize.

    Needless to say, I quickly paid this person without a word more, blocked them from my list of contacts, and never looked back!

  15. Mic'Kayla says:

    Nice article.It was very specific and put words to what weve all felt.
    all of your articles are wonderful at putting words to what is sensed in our exterior environment.
    glad you and your wife are outlets of knowledge and understand. We all need this kind of balance.
    Peace

  16. This is a great piece. I googled negative comments on Facebook as I’ve been noticing that 2 specific people write a negative remark on everything I write, and came here. Time to cut them loose. Thanks Lenon

  17. yemi says:

    It really can be a dumping ground,sadly there are many,many lost, and,or tortured souls out there wanting a punch bag or a teddy bear to smash.I agree that its best to not respond and be drawn into the arena of the negativity championships.the worldwide spreading of negativity is is a virus that can be easy to catch if you expose yourself to it too much,get weak and enter the ring…I can imagine that you have had to deal with a lot of that lenon,its a compliment..to me it means you are moving in the right direction as when people try to fight you through the computer they are really fighting with their own self…the good part and the not so good..you are on their good side,helping them grow and get through life,the not too good side will always have something to say about this.

    • Lenon Honor says:

      Well you can decide to no longer be a dumping ground and not deal with people who would use you as a punching bad. 😉

  18. Atirus says:

    A friend of mine recently pointed out to me about my negative comments I was making on Facebook. I had no idea how negative I was coming off as. I have taken off anything non-personal negative off my Facebook page and started looking into why I was behaving this one. A lot of it stemmed off of my ex-wife who loves making my life miserable by taking me to court and making outrageous accusations about what kind of person I was towards her. I know it shouldn’t bother me but it still does. I am a kind hearted person who loves to laugh and for someone like her to make me seem like such a horrible person really hurt me more than I care to admit. Anyways, my point is that sometimes an outside opinion on negative comments that you could be making and not realizing it is a godsend. I praised my friend and since then have gotten really closer with him. He is turning into one of my best and most trusted friends. But sometimes its so hard to stay away from negativity and to stay positive especially with all that is going on in the world today. But thanks to a friend I am looking at life a different way and we all should be so fortunate to have a friend or a family member who will have the guts to stand up to you and point out when you are not being true to yourself.

  19. Lobezno Moreira says:

    I deal most of the time with people who are “unnecesarilly argumentative”. There is a big issue right now where I live in which the current government administration wishes to amend the constitution. Its sickening how people defend their viewpoints, which by the way have been constructed by the media, in such verbally violent way. Also, the arguments go back and forth and no one wishes to let the other have the last word. It goes on and on…

    It’s silly…

    • Lenon Honor says:

      Yes it is a serious challenge. The internet is filled with people who are seeking to express their anger, frustration, and negativity.

  20. Antonio Vrsalovic says:

    Excelent article. I’m guilty of all mentioned up there. I’m not proud of what I did, but am proud to have overcome to a large degree such firstly unconcious, appalling behaviour. Only thing going for me was my young age, but now fast approaching 30 years, married and probably having kids down the line I can’t continue with the emotional discontent and childish and irresponsible behaviour.

    Lately I have become wiser of what I say and how I react in interaction with other people online and offline. What helps to get my ego in check was tell myself that im not perfect or special and laughing to myself how silly I am. Haha And to not take my self importance so seriously. It’s an ongoing effort!

    Thank you for this article and may you and your family be blessed!

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